To Kill an Anzu
by Makei
Summary: this story is about anzu and the way she dies many times. this is the release for the people who are terrified of the repetition of the friendship talks... if you oh so admire anzu please keep your noses out of this fanfic and please understand the ti
1. The great laffy taffy

Hello! I decided to write another fic. I was going to write a yaoi fic, but I have not started on that. So, how are people? I guess I got this idea from science class. We talk about things that have nothing to do with science.

Anyways… here is the fic. Please read and review!

It would be highly appreciated!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything at all. Maybe a few shirts….

**How to Kill an Anzu**

First Lesson:

There is many ways to kill those scary girls stereotyped Anzus. Their talk about friendships has killed many people and injured others. Even with the high pitched screaming coming from our suffocating mouths, they seem to not notice and move on for the kill.

Here is a guide for those people who will destroy our world if we do not get rid of them. I pray for your safety and your journey into the depths of ultimate pain. May you move onward men!!

First Way to Kill an Anzu: 

If you see the predator coming you can kill her with a knife or shiney automatique, but those are not fun. Instead, you need to give her pain that she has given you. A quick death would just let her get by easy, so we will keep bring her back.

Weapon:

Frozen laffy taffy that has been sharpened like a blade. And remember the laffy taffy is frozen solid.

Example:

One day Yami sees a brown hair figure coming his way. At first he thinks it is Kaiba coming to duel him, but then Yami sees her face. A look of horror covers his pale face. Looking around he sees no hiding spots to hid in. Trembling from fear, he watch as her mouth begins to open.

Darting past her, Yami makes an escape to the cafeteria. Dodging behind Jou, he shudders praying to Ra that the evil incarnation will not find him. Yami begins to slow his breath down, letting his guard down. Someone taps Yami's shoulder and he turns around and smiles only to be staring at the figure of evil.

Her mouth opens and a loud squeal erupts from those lips of doom. The start of the lecture begins. "Yami, if you are my friend then why are you running away from me?" On and on she goes, his life begins to fade away into the depths of darkness, well the depths of the shadow realm.

Yami feels a last bit of energy. He darts out of the cafeteria and runs into the refrigerator. Cold chills run down his spine. Praying not to be found he ignores the sounds coming from behind him.

"Ohh..hh.. Bakura…. Ahh.." Loud bangs come crashing from behind Yami. This grabs his attention and he turns around. The other two did not seem to notice Yami as they went on with what they were doing.

"Ryou… God…" Bakura latched onto Ryou's neck and devoured his smell. Yami shivered at the thought.

A loud ewwwww erupted into the room. At the door stood Anzu looking like she had been splashed with acid. 'Hmmmm… Acid…' Bakura looked up to see Yami trying to hide and Anzu looking at them with disgust.

He laughed thinking a fun way to gross her out. He moved his hands under Ryou's shirt and began to play with his nipple. Ryou bit his bottom lip to try to suppress the moan. Bakura pressed harder and attacked Ryou's now exposed chest. He smirked at the other's loud response.

Looking over at Anzu, he laughed at how sick she looked. She moved her head to spot Yami. "Yami!" Yami snapped out of his daydream and slowly began to move towards the other two.

He grasped at the shelves trying to stay up. She kept moving forward. He trembled with fear and searched for any kind of thing to protect him from this she-devil. He did not want to die, not after what he and his hikari had gone through together.

Anzu stepped forward. Yami could not move anywhere else now. He knew if he did not protect himself then he would die soon. Sure, she would not think about what she was doing. She was to busy trying to make people her friend, but instead was turning them into globs of blood.

Bakura seemed to be enjoying the show so much, that he stopped teasing Ryou to watch the little conflict. She had tried once to get him to listen to the friendship crap, but only received a nice view of what the shadow realm was like.

Yami felt something hard touch his hand as he frantically searched for something to protect himself with. Grabbing it, he brought it forward. Anzu stared at it in curiosity, while Bakura laughed out in amusement. Ryou punched him into the stomach, to get his attention. He wanted to leave before anything happened.

Bakura did not want to leave, but followed his light out of the refrigerator and into the heat of the summer.

Anzu took a step forward, but found frozen laffy taffy in her face. She laughed at Yami, and tried to move the candy away from her face. Yami was embarrassed about the whole weapon thing, but backed away and broke the laffy taffy in half. The edges were sharp and looked like a blade.

Anzu opened her mouth to speak, but felt a weird feeling in her stomach. Looking down she saw the laffy taffy stuck in her stomach. Blood trickled from the wound. Backing away, Yami moved towards the door.

Anzu dropped to the floor and looked at Yami. "Why my dear love?" She fell into the darkness called death and her own friendship speeches began to eat her up.

Yami looked up and screamed to the sky in joy. "Ding-Dong the witch is dead!" Running of he began to skip all the way to the cafeteria. No one seemed to ask about the blood on his t-shirt or the blood stained laffy taffy. Everyone just assumed that they were finally free. Free from the wicked witch.

The day went by and no one seemed to find the mysterious Anzu. But she is to come back again. After all, there is no life without horror, and what would be horror without Anzu.

The end of first death……..

Ok I know some of you like anzu but she scares me, plus spiderchick23 wanted me to write this when I told her about my idea.

If you want to flame go ahead, but I have amendment one to relay on!!!!!!

Please read and review!!!!!!


	2. Have a Bloody Valentine's Day!

Welcome to the series called "to kill an Anzu."

Ever since I watched yu-gi-oh I seemed to have such a growing hate for the annoying girl, so with the support of my friends I wrote of my hatred hoping to help others with their total anger with her.

WARNING: IF YOU LIKE ANZU OR PITY HER, YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ THIS OR YOU WILL ONLY GET MAD AT ME AND I RATHER NOT LISTEN TO SOMEONE WHO LIKES ANZU AND READ THIS STORY EVEN THOUGH THE TITLE IS AN OBVIOUS HINT OF DEATH FOR HER.

This is the second installment of the Anzu death series.

Now I wrote this for February for Valentine's Day, but I did not finish it till now by being grounded, forgetting, computer failure, and pure evilness to save the world from.

So please forgive me for the very belated chapter, but I hope you still enjoy this chapter. If you have any ideas or problems just review…

READ AND REVIEW YOU SHINEY PEOPLE!

Title: Have a bloody valentine's day?

Warning: blood, gore, and yaoi….

Disclaimer: Of course I do not own yu-gi-oh or it would be full of wonderful attributes and make you feel like your on happy drugs….

Chapter 2:

Kaiba's alarm burst through the silent slumber. Grumbling, Kaiba reached for the alarm clock only to fell heat against him and another hand reaching for the alarm clock. Kaiba's eyes shot up in horror and his thoughts began to fly out the window. Looking down at the sheets beside of him, he saw god-like golden hair and a sleeping face.

Jou slowly woke up when he noticed that the alarm had gone off. He snuggled closer to the warmth that shot up through his spine. Slowly opening his eyes, he stared up only to notice a beautiful man staring at him in confusion. His mind began to receive the messages of what happened last night and soon a beaming smile reached his lips.

Jou brought his hand and cupped Kaiba's chin. Forcefully bringing it down to his face, Jou smirked. "Good Morning, Master." After seeing Kaiba's breath hitch he rapped his hands around Kaiba's neck and brought him down for a passionate kiss. Kaiba straddled Jou and put more pressure on him. Jou moaned as Kaiba bit his bottom lip asking for entrance, and giving into submission as Kaiba plunged into his mouth playing for dominance.

A loud banging was heard. "Onii-chan… wake up…" Kaiba broke away from Jou and quickly scrambled up and sat on the side of the bed. He grabbed his boxers and shoved them on. Mokuba slowly opened the door with no warning and stared at His blushing brother and Jou. "So…. That is what you were doing… figures." Seto blushes and throws a pillow at Mokuba. Mokuba closes the door as the pillow impacts the door. "Okay... Okay I am leaving… just telling you breakfast will be ready in about an hour."

They listened as they heard the little boy's footsteps retreat down the hall. Kaiba turned toward a blushing Jou. "Good morning mutt." He walked over to Jou and kissed his forehead. "Now because of your wake-up call, I need to take a shower and a cold shower for that fact. Jou laughed. "I could always help you with that!" Kaiba laughed and shock his head no. "Sorry mutt, nut we don't have that much time to change, eat, and have sex in a shower." Jou pouted, but Kaiba just walked over and pulled him into a passionate kiss. Both fought for dominance, but Kaiba won.

Soon both had to breathe. Jou pleaded and pouted again, but Kaiba just laughed and began to walk towards the bathroom. He felt his forearm being grabbed. Turning around he met Jou's face. The mutt had the biggest smirk on that he had ever seen. Jou begins to whisper in Kaiba's ear. "Fine… but..." He then bites and nibbles on Kaiba's ear.

Kaiba feels weak and moans. Jou laughs and darts toward the bathroom. "Fine, but I have first shower." Kaiba growls and sprints toward the door just in time to prevent Jou the success of closing the door. Kaiba throws the door open and stalks over to Jou. "Mutt… now why did you go off and do something like that?" Jou slowly felt his back against the wall and was trapped. "Come on Kaiba, I can't help that it is your weak spot. Jou yelps as Kaiba grabs his collar and pulls him towards the shower. "Your wish came true…happy?" Jou grinned," Yea, but no funny business, my ass already hurts like hell." Kaiba laughed and nodded.

Both stripped of their boxers (considering mokuba's intrusion and fun night activity) and stepped into the large shower. Kaiba turned the knob and cold water squirted out of the nozzle. Jou shuttered and nuzzled into Kaiba's bare chest. Kaiba laughed and squirted shampoo into his hand. He slowly lathered Jou's hair and shoved him under the cold water watching as the water cascaded down his toned body. Jou rinsed his hair out and grabbed the bottle of shampoo. He dumped tons on Seto's hair. "Got to get all that gel out." Kaiba groaned at the soft massage Jou was giving his head. He woke up suddenly when freezing water hit his body. Running his fingers through his hair, he rinsed out his brown hair.

Both grabbed a washcloth and put midnight snow shower gel on it. Kaiba brushed the washcloth over his face and wiped it away. He then moved from his neck to shoulders and further down till he reached his feet. Jou was in bliss, but yelped as freezing water hit him. He growled at Kaiba and soon washed his body. Grabbing the washcloth from Kaiba, He slowly went to the same progress only to tease him by breathing quite high on his thigh. Jou smirked and finished rinsing Kaiba. They both enjoyed the teasing, but were quite ready for breakfast… especially Jou.

After breakfast and the giggles that never ended from Mokuba, Jou and Kaiba were at school. Kaiba seemed to forget exactly what day it was, but Jou had plans for this special day. But first they had to live through it first.

Loud giggles and laughter erupted into the atmosphere. Tons of blushing girls awaited by Kaiba's locker. Kaiba walked towards his locker and as he turned a corner he soon was greeted by girls all over, trying to shove boxes of presents, candy, and pictures in his locker. He slowly stepped behind the corner, but failed as one girl saw him. She turned around and yelped.

This caught all the girls' attention and soon all of them were charging at him full speed ahead. Deciding it was time to jet, He ran up the nearest stairs and through the second floor hallway. Hearing the shrieking still, he darted up the stairs to the roof and broke the lock to the roof stepping into the fresh gust of wind to catch his breath. Not hearing anymore shrieks, he stumbled and sat against the wall.

About 5 minutes earlier (before the fan girl express had run through the halls and spiderchick is the leader… hahahaha) in a classroom.

"Oh please Bakura, won't you tell me how to get Yami to like me?" Bakura snarled, "There is no way he would be that stupid and even though I hate him, I would feel guilty for giving him that much pain." Anzu pouted and acted like she was crying. "Pleas…e…._sob_..." Bakura smashed his hand against the wall with annoyance plastered on his face. "Damnitt, you are so annoying! Go ask Kaiba, he is obsessed with dueling with Yami that he probably knows. Just leave me alone!" Anzu grinned. "Why didn't I think of that?" Bakura snorted. "I can think of a few good reasons…"but Anzu did not hear him as she was dashing down the hallway.

Malik dodges out of the way of a drooling Anzu as she sprints down the hall. He opens up the classroom door. "Hey Bakura, you in here?" Bakura smirked and yelled out, "Of course I'm here! You got the gel?" Malik pulled the gel out of his pocket and threw it to Bakura. "Now we can have some real fun. Come closer Malik." Malik walks towards Bakura. Bakura snatches his hand and squirts gel on it. "Now… I want... You to help." Malik laughs and lathers Bakura's hair with the gel. "Make sure you get the spikes extremely pointy, I can't live any longer without my spike."

Malik takes some of the gel and spikes his hair as well. He pokes one once it dried and draws blood. "Ouch…" Bakura laughed. "Stupid koi…" He wrapped his right arm around Malik's waist and brought him up for a tender but dominate kiss. Bakura placed a rose behind Malik's ear and slowly they both gasped from need of air. Bakura pushes Malik forward as they walk out of the classroom with traumatized kids scalping out their eyes.

With Kaiba up on the roof…..

Kaiba relaxed as the wind brushed against his face. He found out that today was Valentine's Day quite heartily. (Hahaha Joke) "Hmmm… I wonder what Jou is planning. His thoughts were disturbed when he heard a creak and the door flew open.

Kaiba jumped in Paranoia. He ran behind the heater in fear of the fangirl cult. He heard the giggling voice was a girl, probably one of the crazy ones.

The sound slowly became closer and closer, until he felt the girl's presence near by that it drove him crazy. He tried not to breath, but the girl kept searching. Sure enough she was right beside him. He screamed when the girl tried to put their arm on his shoulder and pushed the girl away in order to escape from the roof. He heard a startled scream and decided to go see what had happened.

He walked over to were he thought he was standing by only a few seconds, but had found no girl. He smirked in hope that she was hiding from him and he escaped walking away and down the stairs.

Someone grabbed him from the shadows and began to attack his neck and ear lobe with furious kisses. He tried to open his eyes and saw that his puppy was dressed like a girl, in a sailor skirt and girl uniform. He smirked and blew in his puppy's ear. "Mmmm… yummy chocolate..." Jou smirked..."Happy valentine's day, dragon…" They both looked around and snuck out the window. Kaiba instantly called his limo. After the call, he turned to Jou. "Let's go home so I can stuff myself in sweet puppy chocolate." Jou blushed but wrapped his arms around Kaiba. "Ready when you are…"

With Bakura and Malik…..

Malik and Bakura were walking down the sidewalk. Bakura was busy nipping at his koi's neck and Malik was just trying to walk straight. "Bakura….Bak…Ur…a stop…"

Bakura just smirked.

All of a sudden a heavy weight crashed on top of them and a gushed sound was heard along with an ear piercing scream. Bakura used shadow magic to put a barrier around them, throwing what ever was on them to the side. He hurriedly rushed him and Malik away from the sight and ran further. When they were far from the school he pushed Malik against a wall. He inspected him. "Doesn't look like you hurt." Then Bakura saw a red substance fall from Malik's hair. Before he could react, Malik had brushed his cheek also with the red substance. Malik grinned and hugged Bakura. "Oh, Bakura you died your hair red!" Bakura made a weird face. "You… died your hair pink?..." They both grinned brushing whatever happened away as Bakura thought of fun ways to get rid of the dye…"Let's go Malik…"

At the death site…

A dead girl laid down upon the ground. She had brown hair and brown eyes. It seemed as if she was hurrying for love but instead got the short end of the stick… literally… well maybe a spike instead. So the death of the friendship maniac came to a conclusion of loss of blood from wounds and the stabbing through the heart as it was ripped to shreds. Before the police found her though, the mafia was sure to pick up her organs for the black-market internet, so all in all, her life gave life to something… something she was totally against…

_Bonjour…Anyways I feel like writing in italics so here you go… thank you so much for waiting and you certainly will get more… I hope you enjoy this belated chapter well very belated chapter_

_And for the mafia may you get good money for her organs… sorry for the gore and the yaoi… just took a request and over fulfilled it…_

_Well please review and if any ideas or suggestions or just thoughts of hatred go right ahead, just don't kick me off because I killed Anzu... I am sure you would bash a yu-gi-oh character too…_

_Ltr, kat of oz or last wing of heaven_

_Why am I writing in letter format…weird…?_


	3. copier vs shredder

So….. Yea…. I know it has been a frickn long time since I updated…. On anything….

So now I have a plan that will hopefully work…

I am finally gonna write a fic that is not YU-GI-OH!

Kat: hahahaha! Free!

Kala: (smack) go slave write more….

Kat: damn…….

So in a way I am free but kinda not.

Anyways in dreams that this chapter will increase your creative minds is probably zero….

Title: Copier vs. Paper Shredder

Warning: good old fashion imagination gone weird….and some disses against kids go to work day.

Disclaimer: I do not own yu-gi-oh… or their would be an OVA of death for one of the cute friendly girl, that spouts evil from her hole in the head…..

Chapter 3

The shuffle of people and clacks of heels slapping against the floor rung around the office hallway, people squishing into the elevator almost to suffocation, and dressed up snotty business people sticking their necks in the sky slowly blurred around the office.

A girl with brown hair and green eyes slowly pushed the mail cart through the hallway."Huh…. this is just so annoying, plus those stupid old men keep looking up my skirt. I swear if one of them drops their mail and make me pick it up… I'll…" she accidentally bumped against someone and fell into the mail cart. "AHHHHHH!" She quickly pushed out of the cart ready to yell at the person that bumped into her only to see her boss which by the way was Seto Kaiba. He looked at the girl in disgust and anger. "Anzu, you are an obnoxious useless person I know." He threw a file in her face and walked off. "Copy the first ten and shred the rest… if you can do that." Kaiba turned around the corner and barely missed a nice chunk of packaging mail.

"Damn I hate him so much…" Anzu picked herself up and headed toward the copy room. Closing the door behind her she sauntered over to the machine. Grabbing the first ten pages, she began to copy them. Slowly a jam began to form in the out tray. She looked down at it. "Damn it's stuck." Sighing she took the rest of the papers in the file and went to the paper shredder. She picked up the paper shredder and moved it close to the copier. "Now I will just put these in while I try to fix the paper jam.

Putting the papers in the shredder she turned to the copier and shoved her hand in the retractor. "GGGUUUU! Just come out you stupid paper.

Suddenly her head was pulled back and she screamed in horror. Her hair had gotten stuck in the shredder and her head began to come close to the blade. She tried to pull her hand out of the copier but she felt something tug her further into the copier. A loud but shallow voice rung out in the air.

"Hey you piece of trash, let the girl go… she is my hunk of meat for the day." Anzu's eyes lit up as she stared at the copier who seemed to now have a huge mouth with pointy teeth, sucking her in.

The shredder seemed to have the same aspect. "Back off you big boulder… no one asked you to eat my spaghetti and brain dinner."

Soon the battle began and Anzu became the next war of extreme office machine challenge, the prize being a 100 Anzu beef and other proteins. Anzu's brain was being hungrily slurped up by the human aspect shredder and her so called "chicken" legs were being chewed by the gangster copier.

Through the battle Anzu had lost so much blood that she had passed away after the shredder had finished with her hair and on with the scalp while copier with her ankles.

Soon Anzu's body had broken in half with plenty of intestines flying out along with her liver. Let's just say it was grossest enough.

"Mommyyyy… I found the room." A lady and her son walked up to the door.

"Damn looks like dinner is over with." Both copier and shredder finished the rest of their half and went back to being the inanimate objects that they were.

"Come on David!" The lady walked inside only to see red something coating everything everywhere. She turned around in anger. "David I told you not to play with red paint while I was working. Now you get no dessert for a month." The boy began to wail. "But momma, it wasn't me…"

The lady dragged the boy out of the office by the ear. "Now you are going right to the boss and apologizing, you understand?" The boy nodded. "Yes momma…"

THE END………..

Ok I know this story was just weird, but it just goes to show, to beware of paper jams and shredders. Well I am just joking……

This was due to being hyper and tired at the same time… I like it even though it is weird…

I am now writing another Jou/Kaiba yaoi fanfic and will be writing one messed up Gundam wing/gundam seed fic

So I will be busy but I am updating more now… I have plans for anzu's future.

Well as always read and review

And you get more gore or well just amusement…..

Till next update…..

Oh sorry for short chapter….

Kat of oz……


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